Fix This. March Correction

This is a violation of smooth writing.  The reason is the use of internal dialogue where introspection would be much smoother.  “This looks like a good deal,” jerks the reader from past tense to present.  Further use of internal dialogue would probably have John thinking of himself as “I,” a jerk from third person to first.  The quotation marks are another distraction.  So are italics if you choose to use those.  Introspection would read:  “It looked like a good deal but the man was a salesman.”  Since it’s expressing John’s opinion, it’s his introspection.  The quote marks here are only to show this as an example, and would not be used in the text.

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