Fix This: November

When it comes time to sell, it is vital that you impress.  Good grammar, punctuation, and active writing are important.  Here is a piece that fails to meet those standards.  Fix this:

Lori was filled with fear.  Something was chasing her; she could hear it.  She ran through the forest as fast as she could, her long black hair streaming behind. 

Post your answer.  Get into this.  Have fun.

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2 Responses to Fix This: November

  1. Lori tried not to think about how hard it was to breathe as her feet crushed the pine needles covering the earth below. Tree branches cracked behind her; whatever it was, it sounded large. She prayed that it wasn’t hungry, as well, but knew that her prayers were most likely in vain.

  2. Pat Longley says:

    Terror seized Lori. She’d heard something strange and frightening behind her. With her hair whipping behind her, she ran through the woods. Branches grabbed she paid no heed.

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