Fix This:

When it comes time to sell, it is vital that you impress.  Good grammar, punctuation, and active  writing are important.  Here is a piece that fails to meet those standards.  Fix this:

 I went to the store yesterday.   It was my second trip in two days because I went there the day before and forgot to buy milk.

Post your answer.  I’ll give mine next month.

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5 Responses to Fix This:

  1. Holly says:

    I went to the store yesterday because I forgot to buy milk when I was there the previous day.

  2. I went to the store on Thursday and completely forgot to buy milk! So I had to go again yesterday. I hate grocery shopping. Why can’t I have a milkman deliver to my doorstep anymore?

  3. YA version: Me and the grocery store are BFFs. I’ve totally been there every day this week, but only because I forgot the soy milk for my latte. LOL!

    Sci-fi version: I find myself drawn in by the black vortex of the consumerist temple. I am here for something, just as I was yesterday, but my mind is erased as soon as I walk through the doors.

    Romance: My heart beats in my chest as I see the amber sheen of the clerk’s hair. When his green eyes meet mine, I feel a blush rising to my cheeks. I know he remembers me from yesterday, when his piercing gaze made me forget my purpose and the milk.

    Existentialist: Is the milk a part of me or am I a part of the milk? (-Dave Knepper)

    Horror: The cereal killer stalked the aisles in search of the milk. White liquid flowed across the floor, coagulating in gruesome puddles. The marshmallows in the Lucky Charms turned the fluid a ghastly shade of pink. The Leprechaun wept.

    Hero’s Journey: The dark clouds were heavy with rain as I set off on my quest. I had my shield and my cloak wrapped tightly around me, gifts from the Queen to aid me in my battle against Lord Lactose. Yesterday, I was defeated. Today, I shall buy soy.

    Detective: The tall blonde walked into my office, her large-brimmed hat shadowing her face and filling the doorway. She needed my help.
    “My husband went out for milk two days ago,” she said. “And he never returned.”

    Self-help: You are not alone. Millions of others suffer from the same fear and loss of memory when entering the grocery store. Try this positive affirmation: Yesterday was not a failure. Today, I will buy the milk.

    Haiku: At the grocery store
    Forgot the milk yesterday
    The Leprechaun wept

    Post-apocalyptic: The shelves have been picked clean. There are marauders with pitch forks and axes stalking the aisles. I should have bought the milk two days ago.

    Dr. Seuss: Would you, could you buy the milk? It will taste as nice as silk.
    We will have it with our oats. If we’re out, go milk the goats.

    Lit: I forgot to buy milk during my trip to the store two days ago, so I had to return yesterday.

  4. wow! I think my favorite is the self-help one. 🙂

  5. Pingback: Fix this: October Solution | Lewis County Writers

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